Uncertainty can be really painful for us. We like knowing what’s going to happen and how a situation will play out. It helps us prepare and strategize.

But what happens when we can’t know a thing? What happens when we can’t predict someone’s behaviour, or how something we’ve done will be received? What do we do?

It’s simple, yet hard. Do nothing. 

Rather than assigning false meaning to things and wasting our mental energy on scenarios and fears that might never come to pass… we can put our energy to taking care of the fear behind our habit playing out scenarios.

Uncertainty isn’t easy to sit with but if we can practice it, even for 30 seconds before we give in again to playing out the possibilities, it will slowly build our self confidence and cultivate more calm. 

What’s the point of practicing sitting with uncertainty?

Here’s the truth… Everything in life is uncertain and always will be. We can never truly know a thing until it has come to pass. 

But in pursuing certainty in our lives we limit ourselves to making the choices in our lives we are most able to predict. We play it safe. That might sound like a good thing, but in sticking to the parts of our life we can predict… we rob ourselves of being so much more than we are and having so much more than we already have.

Practicing being with uncertainty can hurt, yes. But so does a tattoo. So does spending $1000+ dollars on a new iPhone (don’t tell me that bill doesn’t hurt a bit, we all know it does). 

Sometimes the most valuable and meaningful things in our lives hurt a little bit, just like sitting with uncertainty. But what we get from doing this is more priceless than any iPhone or tattoo… Sitting with uncertainty and getting comfortable with it… gives us our life back.

As someone who’s struggled with anxiety and depression for a long time… Our society really isn’t structured for us to flourish.

There’s this completely backwards habit promoted within our society of ignoring how we feel in order to get things done. Work, school, studying, chores, friends, fun… Everything gets prioritized ahead of our feelings, especially painful ones.

As long as they’re small enough to ignore we do our best to avoid them. But this isn’t the answer to our happiness. It’s one of the worst practices we can cultivate for our mental well being.

The quickest way around our feelings… is through.

If we don’t make space to take care of our feelings first then we are cutting ourselves off from our own capacity for great things. If our bodies and minds are always half preoccupied by the feelings we’re trying to bury in the name of getting shit done, then we’re only dedicating a part of our minds and hearts to the task at hand. 

If we can practice noticing our feelings early on we can take care of them and help ease them before they take over our lives for a day, a week, a month, or longer.

Think of our feelings as our alarm system… The longer you ignore the warning alarm, the louder and more insistent it gets. But if you hear the alarm early and make space in your day to take a diagnostic of the system you can avoid pinpoint the problem and avoid a full meltdown. The same principle applies here.

Our feelings are a piece of ourselves we need to stop ignoring just because they aren’t always pleasant. They’re a vital part of our diagnostic system and they can give us very early warning signs that something needs taking care of.

So the next time you notice stress, anger, or sadness bubbling up in your system here’s a practice for you:

⁃Notice it
⁃Make space in your day to let those feelings come up
⁃Create a safe, soft, loving environment (in bed, in a bath, blankets, tea)
⁃Remove all devices and distraction.
⁃Sit quietly, breathe, and imagine a door opening up inside you to let the feelings out of. The box you’ve put them in.
⁃Have compassion and love for whatever thoughts or feelings come through. Judging ourselves in this space is a fast track to getting more stuck.
⁃Keep breathing and notice what your body and heart wants in this moment… That might be rubbing our arms, or our belly or chest. It might be saying loving things to ourselves, it might be massaging our face or our legs. It could be crying, screaming, or punching a pillow. Just remember to breathe and say yes to any loving thing you can do for yourself here. 

The caveat to this is that if you are afraid you might harm someone else, yourself, or if you are thinking about suicidal thoughts, ideation, or planning… it’s important to contact a professional. 

There’s nothing to be ashamed of in contacting a professional if our problems or pain are too big for us to hold on our own, it’s actually the most loving thing you can do. Reaching out for help is the greatest thing we can do for ourselves, so if we notice our thoughts going to dangerous places, please don’t hesitate. 

I’ve had to ask for professional support in those times and some of the strongest people I know have also reached out for help in times of crisis. We all stand with you and are proud of you for recognizing you need support and asking for it.